Family and Friends

Families

Family trees give us the names of our ancestors, when they were born and when they died, if they married and how many children they had. They give us the bare bones, but they leave out the richness of their lives: What did they do in their lifetimes? What challenges did they face? Where were their talents and aspirations? What did they like and dislike? What were their greatest hopes and deepest disappointments?

Over the past 150 years, the way we live and what we do, driven for the most part by industry and technology, has dramatically changed the shape of society. And, in the last two decades the pace of change has accelerated. At this rate, we may become as ignorant of our living relatives as we are of our forebears on the family tree:

Many grandparents have no idea what their grandchildren are talking about - Wii, iPod, and Facebook are a foreign language to them. Who was 'the coal man', why do Granny and Grandpa spend time mending things (and how do they do it anyway?), where is Bechuanaland, and what was it like to get married 'for ever' in the 1950s (knowing that fewer than 2 in every thousand marriages ended in divorce each year). In our hurry, we often don't take the time and trouble to find out about people outside our immediate circle - the rich text of other lives can be too easily dismissed. Yet how many of us have regretted not asking more about our family, its origins and peculiarities while those who remember are still alive.

More immediately, we can treat cousins, aunts and nephews as virtual strangers, forgetting that all of us have a story to tell and undervaluing the historical links that could enrich our lives and remind us of our shared humanity.

On Q prompts us to begin conversations that can build connections through talking, sharing and discussing life, to inspire each other to see the world from many different perspectives. And it reminds us that other people's prejudices, strange beliefs, odd habits and dubious politics are matched only by our own!

Friends

We spend a lot of time with our friends and get to know each other pretty well. We think we know what makes them tick, what they like, what makes them upset... but On Q asks those questions that add to the picture of who they are. It is full of surprises and provokes lots of discussion around topics that you just wouldn't talk about otherwise.

Poppy was asked: "If you could join an animal herd/colony/flock for a week, which animal would you choose?"

A considerate, creative, highly empathetic woman in her early 50s, Poppy surprised everyone present by immediately replying that she would be an owl [not a bird famous for flocking!] and would fly to people's bedrooms and frighten them.

Asked "What were/are your favourite sweets as a child?", one team of five people began an exhilarating discussion that provoked the other team to join in and lasted for almost an hour. It covered pocket money, corner shops, sweetness and sourness, child abuse, ecology, The Rolling Stones and PlayStation games, as well as sweets.

It's great fun. Have a go!

What people are saying

"Surprising, intriguing, fun, safe. Turn off the TV and play! Rediscover your family and friends. We took turns to take a card and just went with whatever conversation arose from the question. I'm still puzzling over why it seemed to open up more surprising responses than the normal run of conversation but it did."
David McAra

"We played the game just for the joy of storytelling around the fire. We played the competitive version in teams. Sometimes the points mattered and sometimes the story was just so interesting that a whole new conversation evolved until we pulled ourselves back to the 'competition'."
Dr Sandra Reeve, Movement Therapist

"I never knew what the really important things were in my Mum's life until we played OnQ. Having lived in Africa and Australia for a significant period of her life, and having a professional role in the classical music world, neither of these were mentioned in answer to the question 'What 3 key words would you like as a description of your life?' She only wanted to mention that she had 5 brothers! So that, of course, provoked a long discussion."

"On Q was just such a good way to have different conversations over Christmas. With delight, I saw my 85 year old mother, who often sits quietly listening to the chatter, hold a card in her hand and, with the authority of an elder, initiate yet another possible version of the game: she simply asked each person in turn for their response. The circle listened with gentle interest and respect, every now and then intrigued by a new story and eagerly asking more questions. New friends had a chance to introduce themselves differently; old friends and family heard each other afresh and saw each other differently through previously untold stories, those parts of our lives that we had never shared before."